Northern_Lights_2017

74 quickly began studying, not knowing what else to do. Half the house was playing video games and the other half was starting a game of beer pong. I felt so out of place. Why am I even here? I remembered as soon as Rhett sat down next to me. It was getting pretty late, and I had to pull out my handy Club Soda in hopes that the carbonation would wake me up. Rhett laughed at me. Apparently I always had a Club Soda with me. I guess he was right. I am not entirely sure why I did, because it really did not taste that amazing. Maybe it was the cool sunset logo that drew me in. I decided to rip off the logo and stick it onto his laptop, just so he wouldn’t forget about me. I was getting really tired at that point, so I packed up my belongings and waved to everyone on my way out. I didn’t even think of saying bye just to Rhett. We were friends, so I didn’t think it mattered. But when I was almost to my car, he ran out after me. He told me that he had a good time and that I should come over more often. I couldn’t contain my smile and I suddenly blurted out, “Of course! Want to get together Thursday and study for our English final?” Much to my surprise, he agreed and I replied, “Great, it’s a date!” What? What did I just say? Did I just say that it was a date? Traumatized by my sudden burst of honesty, I got in my car and sped off. Ideally, Rhett and I would have dated right after that. Actually, it would have been ideal if I had never turned Rhett down and we would have been dating for a year already, but life happens and there are two steps to happiness: meet the right person and get the timing right. At that point in time, I was working on the second step. I understood that Rhett was skeptical about me. There he was asking me out on dates for the past year, I constantly turned him down, and then I suddenly changed my mind? The truth was I never changed my mind. I felt this way about Rhett ever since I truly got to know him, but it was that night, when I was leaving the fraternity house, that I finally built up the courage to admit how I felt, admit the truth both to him, and to myself. After that night, my biggest fear came true: everything changed. Rhett never talked to me the same way he used to. I felt obligated to confront him about it. It was one thing to lose a potential relationship, but I could not lose my best friend. I met up with him one night, and basically poured my heart out. I wanted to be with him. He was torn, I could tell. He was talking about the future and never said “If we date…” but, “When we date…” He needed time, and I would give him time. I would give him all the time he needed as long as it meant we ended up together. A few weeks had passed, and it took everything I had not to throw my phone out the window. I was always wanting to text, call, snapchat, and facetime him, but I couldn’t. I needed to give him time, and then he’d realize what he wants. Sure enough, through social media and a few mutual friends, I found out Rhett was interested in someone else. When I first heard about the other girl, my heart shattered. I’m not so sure why it hurt me. I didn’t know I cared that much. Sure, I didn’t expect Rhett to wait around for me for the past year. But at the same time, I didn’t expect him to completely ditch me after I had told him how I felt. This was a dark point in my life. I had lost my best friend and the only guy I had ever cared about. I couldn’t live without him. Couldn’t he understand how much he hurt me by not talking to me? Was it that easy for him to just give up on me? I couldn’t stop thinking. I watched chick flicks and booed at all the happy endings. I consumed all sorts of junk food. I slept every spare moment I had just to avoid thinking about him. This is why I never wanted a relationship. The crazy thing was that Rhett and I weren’t in a relationship: it was simply a friendship. But this is what I imagine a break-up of about ten years felt like. I felt as if I was falling towards depression, and fast. I spent the rest of the school year trying to get myself to stop thinking. Rhett was dating someone else now, and I was happy for him. I was happy that he was happy, but felt sorry for myself for allowing myself to lose my best friend. As the school year finished, I was making my plans for the summer. I was planning on playing on the same co-ed softball team as I did the year before. Right about the time we were going to our first tournament, Rhett and his girlfriend broke up. I felt bad for him, of course, but part of me wondered if I was his back-up plan. Maybe he avoided me this whole time, knowing I would still be there when everything was said and done. He was right. Of course I waited for him. Rhett and I had too much to lose. I couldn’t lose him. I wouldn’t let myself. Thank God, our timing finally worked out. Rhett and I spend our last year of college together and I couldn’t have been happier. He made me laugh, held the door open for me, and was the best boyfriend I could have ever imagined. The only problem with our relationship was that I wished it had started about a year earlier. But then, graduation came. He told me he would follow me anywhere because he could always find a job. Yet, as soon as he accepted a position near home, I received the opportunity of a lifetime. The only problem? This opportunity of a lifetime, my dream job, was thousands of miles away in Milwaukee. We didn’t have a choice at the time. Finding a job right out of college was hard enough, and picking a location seemed impossible. We didn’t even think about attempting to do long-distance; we thought it would be too difficult. Too difficult? What was that about? We could have made it work . We planned on meeting up again after his work contract was up, as long as no one got in the way… I found out about Rhett’s new girlfriend from Facebook. As soon as I saw they were dating, I threatened to throw my phone and laptop in the garbage again. Why do I have Facebook anyway? They looked so good together, so who was I to intervene and threaten their happiness? A year later, I was still attempting to distract myself at my job in Milwaukee. Rhett and I lost contact, but I was scrolling through Twitter when I found out that he and his girlfriend were engaged and getting married in a few months. I hate social media. Flash forward to the present, and here I am sitting in my office at home. Today Rhett and his fiancé are getting married. I can’t even remember her name. I don’t want to remember her name. It all hurts too much. I hate myself for dwelling on Rhett for so long. I think the lack of closure is what kept me thinking about him. Or maybe it is the fact that there will never be a guy