Northern_Lights_2017

87 The tape then clicked, and the headphones became silent. I took them off and detached the booklet from my audio player. This was a lot to take in. I concentrated for a second, and realized, Yes! . . . I am happier! Everything was gone; I felt like a newborn babe, just crawling into my wonderful life. God had forgiven me just like that! That was so simple . . . so easy! Yes! It must’ve worked! I was beside myself with happiness and, despite myself, even laughed at some of the jokes. Sins must really be bad things, I thought, but mine are all gone now! I am free! Everything was perfect, and to think that the truth was just one doctor’s visit away! It really was too good to be true. If I had acquired sins over my life, then I could surely do it again, right? How could I stop myself? I looked over at the booklet again. There was second booklet, right? It had to have more information. It had to have more truth. I decided I needed it just in case I started feeling bad again. Having a failsafe was never a bad thing. I’m sure that no one was ever punished for that. Hastily I got up and puwt on my coat. It was pretty late, but the doctor had to still be there. He had to, or perhaps God would still be in the back room. As I looked back over my shoulder I saw the bottle of pills sitting on the floor. Surely, one more couldn’t hurt, right? I walked back, popped open the container, and dropped a pill into my open mouth. With that done, I quickly left through my front door, and stepped back onto the mobile sidewalk to the train station. I was overflowing with excitement. How come no one had told me about this before? They must not know about it, they weren’t special like me, so God hadn’t paid attention to them. That idea made me happy. I decided I really liked knowing the truth and not being in the dark like everybody else. I looked back and saw lights turning off one by one behind me, until only the light above me and the two lights of the approaching train shined. There was no one else on the platform with me, but I could see the outlines of people through the train window. Once I got on, the carriage doors closed behind me, and we immediately started moving. I sat down next to an older man adjacent to the door. His brow was furrowed and he slowly fingered a black cane that lay next to him. He looked sad, just like I had an hour ago. After a while he turned his head toward me, and saw me staring at him. He glared back at me. “What are you looking at?” He said in a hard gruff voice. I was taken back, but then I realized this was the perfect time to share what I had learned! How happy he will be when he realizes the wonderful truth. “Excuse me, sir—” I started. “What is it?” he said, narrowing his eyes at me. “Well,” I started again, “why do you look so sad?” His brow was knitted and his eyes narrowed even tighter. “None of your business,” he growled back. “Don’t you know about God? You must have sinned, and that is why you’re sad. God is punishing you, and you need to repent!” His face reddened, and he stopped fingering his cane. “Are you crazy or something?” he growled back, and he turned away from me. “Leave me alone, psycho.” I could feel the energy in my face. He just wasn’t getting it. Why can’t he accept truth? He could be happy like me. I was discouraged a bit, but then my face lit up. A cross! He needed a cross to understand, just like me! My eyes fell on his wooden cane. “Let me show you!” I said as I reached and picked up his cane from the train seat. “What are you doing?” he shouted. “Stop!” The other people were looking at me now. One middle-aged woman stood beside the man and said, “You need to stop— this is cruel!” “No! No!” I shouted over her. They would see in a minute. “Just watch!” And before they could do anything, I raised the cane over my head with both hands and in one swift motion snapped it over my knee. “See,” I shouted as I put the two pieces in the shape of my “X.” “It’s a cross! This is how you talk to God. This is how you repent!” Both the man and the woman looked horrified at what I’d done. Why didn’t they understand? Suddenly, something slammed into my back. I flew forward and crashed into the door separating the two train cars. It was a young man. He had pushed me from behind and away from the others. “Get out of here, freak!” he yelled across the train car. Then the other two passengers, a middle-aged woman and another older man, lined up behind him, blocking me from the man and woman. They were too angry to understand. If only they could see what I saw! If only I could repent for them. That’s it, I thought; if they weren’t going to repent, then I will have to do it for them. Just like God’s son! I wheeled around and felt for the door latch. “Just you wait!” I yelled behind my shoulder. “You’ll be happy. You’ll see!” I pulled the latch and pushed the door open, stepping out into the space between the cars. I needed something, anything. My eyes landed on a ladder leading to the roof. Yes! That would get me closer to him; it was just what those people needed! I climbed as fast as I could, and as I grasped the last rung I could feel the air buffet my face and almost knock me off. I regained my balance and climbed up onto the roof of the train. It was beautiful! I could see the night sky in its entirety. I was so close to God. Everyone should feel this excitement. The yellow lights signaling the upcoming city tunnel beamed through the distant fog. I finally felt free. God must be so happy with me. The tunnel was approaching fast, but so was eternal salvation. This was repentance for me, and for everybody. This was forgiveness! This was right!