61 And as I laughed at her, Honesty’s face that seemed so close to tears suddenly erupted into a small smile. Soon enough, everyone was laughing, and Honesty stood back up ready to meet the sprinkler again. I was still caught up in a bout of laughter, but then, like a truck, it hit me. Amemory, one when I was just four years old at a public swimming pool with my older brother. I was throwing a fit because I was too scared to go in the water. My twin brother had splashed me, and I was going nuclear. But just as I was about to go into full-on tantrummode, my older brother picked me up and dipped my feet in the pool. Somehow, it calmed me down and I was eventually able to go inside and have a good time with my brothers. And as I sat on the porch, I remembered other memories. I remembered when my cousin Anthony would give us flashlights and have us hunt him down in the dark basement. I remembered my older brother Jeffrey pulling up in his 1980s Cadillac to drive us around in NewMexico. I remembered my dad sitting with a beer, playfully arguing with us about how to best kill zombies. I remembered my older brother Andrew giving us his PS3 as we left South Dakota. I remembered my mom patting my knee and calling me a tough guy after I took a tumble. I remembered simple moments, ones that have stayed with me my entire life. And now that I, the me writing this, think about it, I feel like I came to some sort of subconscious realization while sitting on that porch. A vague one, about how the world is willing to take us in and elevate us to new levels; but it is also just as willing to chew us up and spit us into the abyss. That a lot of us are made up of big crazy moments just as much as the mundane and innocuous ones. That as somebody who will spend a significant amount of time with Honesty, I can possibly change her path through something I might not give half a thought to. Maybe, or perhaps I’m overthinking it as I usually do. I do know one thing though, that as I sat there on the porch, clutching my terrified dog and watching the two children play, a thought crossed my mind. Huh, maybe I’m kind of a dick.
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